Key to Your House
Here at AirSplurge, we like to say we have an “open door” policy.
That’s why all around the world, we’ve hired locksmiths to secretly make keys for tens of millions of houses, engrave them with the home address, and dump them in buckets outside maximum security prisons and asylums for the criminally insane.
Until now, the only way to get one of these keys was to be a recently released or escaped inmate, bent on vengeance against the society that wronged you. But as a limited-time offer, we’re giving you the opportunity to buy the key to your own house. That means we’ll remove your key from one of our “Free House Keys!” buckets outside the state penitentiary, and you’ll finally have that handy extra spare key you’ve always dreamed of.
Supplies are limited, so act now before a deranged serial killer grabs your key, straps on his hockey mask, and starts plodding slowly but relentlessly toward your house.